ECSTATIC FRESHNESS

I was talking to my sister yesterday,  just catching up on her, my brother-in-law and the kids.  All seemed to be going well until she made the statement: 

Sister – “You know I found out your nephew lost his virginity…” 

Me – “What?!?!” 

Sister – “Yes, you heard me right.  Now, I’m trying to figure out how to handle this…I’m at least ten fifteen years away from even being old enough to be a grandmother!!!” 

Me – “But…he’s 16!!!!” 

Sister – “Uh, excuse me, but weren’t you around that age when you lost yours?” 

Me – “…why you bringing up old sh*t?” 

So, this got me to thinking about when I lost MY virginity.  I remember it like it was yesterday, now for me this happened when I was a young lad by the age of 16, also (honestly, I wish I had waited longer due to how much better sex got as I got older…and freakier, but that’s for another blog).  So without further ado, AkShone’s adventure of punanny bliss:  

My first time was with this new cute chick that transferred to our school from Arizona. Me being a country boy, I was already enamored by her previous locale, her west coast dialect and the very notion that at the tender age of 15 she had the type of breast that grown women pay 10 stacks for.  Anyway, after our “getting to know each other” stage, she informed me that she had experienced “bliss” twice and looked forward to when we would get there. Now the kid was shook, because she just assumed that I was Mr. Loverman (Shabba!…I loved that song), but she couldn’t have been more farther from the truth. I fronted, like me…uh, yeah…sure I’ve done it before (lie), but like most kids who grew up in the 90′s, I learned from that surrogate-father we all know and love…yep, hip-hop.  

I didn’t want to fall into the minutemen category and being that she was experienced I figured she would grade me like my high school Spanish teacher – THOROUGHLY. So, when that time came; me and my best friend (he had a crush on her cousin) go over to her uncle’s house (who was a preacher and preaching at his church that night) to kick it and as they say, one thing lead to another and it started to happen.

Yo, I was soooo nervous that initially I was just trying to do everything right (while jogging my memory of various songs, movies and p0rn to emulate so as to come off like I was chief-boot-knocka) and as time passed…and passed; it was getting close to 9pm (around the time when reverend uncle was to be getting back home) and with listening to all the older dudes talk about “coming to fruition” if you will…I noticed that hadn’t happened yet and with time closing in on us…more anxiety ensued, then my best friend bangs on the door saying her uncle pulled up in the drive way!  So we scramble to put clothes on (all the while I tried to figure out how are we going to get out of here) and she let’s my friend in and we hide under the bed until the coast was clear (meaning uncle reverend apparently had some bad Mexican or something and had to relieve himself upon the porcelain thrown) we tip-toed (with Jordan 11′s in hand) out the back slide door as to not trip the door chime of the front door.

So in my afterglow of ”becoming a man” and walking back home while telling my homeboy about the experience, I remembered that I didn’t even bust!!!!!  Which was a bit of a downer, but hey…those times after, I made sure fruition came and came…if I was on my Justin Slayer swag…maybe again….kidding…not really.

That’s my “losing my virginity” story and I’m sticking to it.  Shout out to Q. P.!

Do you remember yours?

AkShone – The Tennessee Volunteer